I used to hide who I really was to fit in and be accepted. This way of living drained me, made me feel and act small and took me down a path of achieving someone else’s dreams rather than my own.
With this awareness, I began a journey back to my authentic self, slowly discovering and embracing my unique traits, values and desires to find fulfillment.
The first step I took was getting really clear about who I was and what drives me. The second step was aligning my life with this truest version of myself (I help you do both in my Live Authentically program).
I started by pursuing this alignment on a personal level, seeking out relationships that felt aligned with who I am and leaving behind ones that made me contort into an inauthentic version of myself to be liked or belong.
Finding this same level of belonging professionally took more time. It wasn’t until this past year that I found myself in professional settings that allowed me to feel truly accepted as my authentic self.
I can track my conforming back to my first big corporate job. One example that always stands out is buying and wearing a style of clothes and shoes to match the other women at that job. I had never had a corporate job before and I thought I had to look a certain way to succeed and be accepted.
This copy-cat behavior evolved as I studied and mimicked what other “successful” leaders did to excel in their career: hiding my playful and silly personality, acting like I knew all the answers even when I didn’t, always showing up professionally with a smile on my face no matter how I actually felt on the inside. I was hiding part of myself to be successful.
This behavior is known as masking, the act of suppressing or concealing your natural personality or behavior in order to fit in with workplace or societal norms.
This concept is often used in the context of marginalized groups or individuals with neurodiversity as a way to protect one's identity and avoid stigma or discrimination. Research has found that masking is linked to increased stress and anxiety and leads to burnout and depression.
I know my experience is far from rare, and I’m sure many of you reading can relate to having to wear a mask to try to fit in.
We are shown a singular example of how to get the interview, get the job, get the promotion and climb the corporate ladder.
When in reality we are all so beautifully individual. To fit ourselves into this neurotypical expectation of professionalism and success is a disservice to our unique gifts and spirits.
It’s no wonder that when I left my job and people asked me how I felt, the only word I could find to describe it was freedom.
Freedom to remove my mask and be fully myself.
After leaving my corporate career and being self-employed for the last two years, I have slowly rediscovered and embodied my authentic self in my professional life and found places where this truest version of myself is accepted and celebrated.
I feel gratitude for finally feeling like I can show up as I am and finding people and places who accept me. At the same time I acknowledge those who are still hiding who they truly are.
If you feel like you’re wearing a mask in order to fit in or succeed, there’s another way of being. Find the people you trust and places where you feel safe to start your journey back to your authentic self.
Start by being curious about ways you may be wearing a mask to belong by asking yourself:
What moments do you feel drained or like your spark is not ignited?
Who do you feel like you need to put on an act around or for?
Are there scenarios where you recognize you are mimicking behavior or acting from a place of expectation (rather than intuition)?
What behaviors have you been told (or shown) are problematic or unacceptable that you intuitively feel are core to who you really are?
What beliefs do you carry that may be limiting or out of alignment with your authentic self?
Take inventory of what you uncover and how these examples of masking make you feel. With this new awareness, begin to explore your authentic self and what alignment could look like:
Look for the moments, people and scenarios that make you feel alive, fulfilled and accepted. See what themes arise from these discoveries, journal about it, share with a friend and each day take steps to bring more of this unmasked self into your life.
Pick a day where you will act from your intuition rather than expectation. On this day, try to refrain from reading the mind of others or apologizing (the intent is to accept that you’re not in control of other people’s reactions to you, not to be purposefully hurtful or offensive).
Explore who you are and discover your chosen values (this exercise can help you).
And if you don’t want to navigate the journey on your own, I’d love to help you explore what makes you feel fully alive and align your life to this truest version of yourself. You can book a complimentary exploration call with me to discuss your goals and explore working together.
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